Friday, December 30, 2005

Feelings of Disunity and Loss of Spiritual Focus are Part of Faith

Friends, I have not posted much this month. In October and November of this year I found myself having an intense, more direct spiritual experience. In this experience I found I had more outward ministry to post here. This December I find that the intensity has morphed; my spiritual experiences this month have not been so direct nor so clear as they were in the previous months. Where I felt more united previously I find myself feeling more divided again, outward and inward separated once again.

This is a frustrating experience; however I find that part of my faith requires patience with myself through this. Despite feeling less connected, less one, less focused in times of worship, I can continue to keep the inward ear. I can and do continue to be patient, to listen, to wait for guidance back toward unity.

In disconnected times like these I find there can be important lessons not so easy to see when spiritually grounded. Sometimes it takes periods of lost focus, feelings of disunity, to truly honor those times when I am in more unity with my inward Light, with the Spirit. Sometimes it takes times like these so I can see the Light shown on other aspects of myself that need work. It can be humbling.

I catch myself overthinking again, as I've done in previous ungrounded times. I catch myself trying to test my ideas about God and spirituality by applying them to situations rather than comparing my experience with the spirit underlying the situations.

I need to continue to hold patience with myself, I need to continue learning, and I need not fret my current loss of focus and groundedness. I have faith that my focus, groundedness, and sense of unity will return in due time.

Love and Light,
Claire

2 Comments:

Anonymous Isabel Jane Penraeth said...

My sympathies in your struggles.

Humbling.

In my experience of times like you describe, humbling is the very word for it.

30/12/05 4:52 PM  
Blogger Shane said...

Claire I can only say I feel for you as I know what its like to go through these "dry" and confusing times. At present I feel the world is encroaching more on my spiritual life than I would like, I am a painter (artist) and I have to finish a number of pieces for a gallery and an exhibition. Art at the best of times can be a very self absorbing pursuit so I try to stay focused on the gift the Lord has given me and as I paint I remember His love for me as I turn out that work. If I don't it turns out all I think about is galleries expectations of me and it all becomes to much about ME. It seems these days for all of us, especially those of us who are Conservative Quakers, the world surrounds us with things that take our eyes of the true gaol of life and that is our relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ. Take heart Claire, there are many like you and I, my only suggestion is to remember when you feel the Lord is far from near to you it doesn't mean He is not right there with you.
In Christs love
Shane

1/1/06 4:38 AM  

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