Sunday, September 18, 2005

Walking with God

I planned to go to meeting this morning. I missed it last week - it had been the first time in at least a year that I had chosen to sleep in over going to meeting. I've been feeling the effects of needing meeting all week.

Instead, I woke up at 9:50 - it was unlikely that I would be able to get there on time by 10 (which would require me to get up, get dressed, say hello to people in the common room, and walk for 15-20 minutes). According to one of my roommates (I have two), my alarm did, indeed, go off at 8:30, but I just didn't seem to notice in my slumbers. This would be because I went to bed at 4:30 the previous night - I wasn't surprised that I didn't wake up to my alarm.

My point here is that I did not make it to meeting this morning. Instead, I decided to walk around the lake, Lake Waban, which lies on the edge of campus right behind my dorm. I needed time for some quite, worshipful contemplation and an attempt at grounding. As I walked I let my thoughts drift a little to process recent events while taking in the beauty of the path and the lake.

When I got about half way around the lake and my thoughts drifted to a particular distressing situation I'm in regarding family, I immediately got a distinct feeling of the Spirit or God walking with me and within me. I continued thinking about that, and listening to that feeling of walking with God as I continued around the lake. I felt comforted, I was by myself, but not alone.

As I went around the lake I walked slowly, pausing occasionally to enjoy the scene. I thought of sitting with God, eating dinner with God, doing my homework with God, and doing essentially everything "with God". This God that I speak of felt (and feels) more like a comforting entity, there always, through everything. Not comparable to human emotions or thoughts, but "aware" of them and tender, supporting, like something firm, steady, and trustworthy on which to lean when I feel weak or unsure.

My thoughts continued to wander in and out of focus as I continued walking, and I haven't been overly contemplative of my experience, but it was significant to me, and I shall keep it with me as I continue from here. Even as I've felt miserable during a lot of my afternoon, I have also felt comforted. Even as I've been harsh with myself, I've found a few gentle reminders to be tender with myself. Emotionally, I've had a rough day.

As I sit here, typing this [with God] in utter exhaustion, I feel ok. Do, please, excuse run-on sentences, redundancies, and minor grammar errors; I'm a bit (thoroughly) tired (exhuasted) and will be heading to bed soon.

Love and Light,


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18/9/05 10:57 PM  
Blogger Martin Kelley said...

Dear Claire: I'm so happy that God's spirit let itself be known to you in this way.

I've felt a bit self-conscious when I've shared similar experiences, which makes me grateful that you've shared yours. Friends can be so rationalistic and yet the root of our faith is this direct communion. This is perhaps the simplest and purest kind of testimony we have.

19/9/05 3:48 PM  
Blogger Liz Opp said...


I am glad to learn you are continuing to find your way, with God, amidst all you are experiencing. The Comforter surprises me in similar ways of which you write. I sometimes wonder if we as Friends are called to be made tender, to be opened by the Spirit:

Spirit of the Living God
Fall afresh on me.
Spirit of the Living God
Fall afresh on me.

Break me,
mold me,
fill me,
use me.

Spirit of the Living God
Fall afresh on me.

I carry you in my heart and am so grateful that, if nothing else, cyberspace and blogs unite us in That Which Is Eternal.

Liz, The Good Raised Up

19/9/05 10:48 PM  
Anonymous Robin M. said...

This post encouraged me to write my most recent post, and to be honest and open. The encouraging comments from other Friends helped too.

Thanks for showing me that this was possible to write about.

29/9/05 11:26 PM  

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