It's ok if you don't know everything
In five days I leave for Wellesley. I'm in the process of packing up my current life again - as I have so often in the last couple years going to boarding school or living on my own for a summer - and also going through the corners of my closets and bookshelves, throwing out or giving away my past life - old pieces of paper, toys, clothing; sentimental items such as old concert tickets or programs, my old band t-shirt which I know I'll never wear again, and so on.
As I continue to freak out and calm down (and freak out again and calm down again and then freak out again.. etc.), I keep reminding myself that regardless of the scariness and awkwardness the first week of being at Wellesley will exude, it will be ok and I'll get through it.
I've learned over and over again that at the beginning of an experience, no one expects you to know everything - so I've stopped expecting myself to know everything. It's part of my experience of faith.
Take, for example, my experience beginning to work in a research lab this summer. On the day I walked in for the first time, I hadn't met anyone in person yet and knew only vaguely what I would be doing. I knew it had something to do with gene expression and that I was working in the Division of Nephrology and Hypertension, so kidneys would be involved. Other than that, I knew incredibly little about gene expression, kidneys, autoimmune diseases, or even about what I was about to begin to do! Not only that, but I'd been focused on doing chemistry rather than biology for the past couple years - I didn't have a solid backround in what I was getting into.
But instead of freaking out about how little I knew, I walked in with confidence and faith that I would learn what I needed to know in good time, and that someone was about to explain to me just what I'd be doing. After a week of feeling like I was in a foreign country where everyone spoke a different language - the language of nephrology, immunology, and molecular biology - I began to pick up the language, and researched words and concepts I was entirely unfamiliar with and couldn't pick up from context. I learned more than I needed to know for what I was doing, expanded my horizons more than I ever expected to, and I was more than ok - this was incredible!
I've learned to let go of my need to know every detail of everything before stepping into something new. This same mindset applies in the Quaker world to things like joining a new committee, walking into an unfamiliar meeting, or going to a gathering or conference for the first time. This also applies to leaving for college for the first time. It is the experience of life.
I may or may not post once more in the next two weeks, but I have faith that in two weeks from today, after a week of orientation, the day before my first day of classes, I will be ok. I will be embarking on an incredible four-year adventure, and I don't need to know everything before I first set foot on the path.
Love and Light,
Claire
As I continue to freak out and calm down (and freak out again and calm down again and then freak out again.. etc.), I keep reminding myself that regardless of the scariness and awkwardness the first week of being at Wellesley will exude, it will be ok and I'll get through it.
I've learned over and over again that at the beginning of an experience, no one expects you to know everything - so I've stopped expecting myself to know everything. It's part of my experience of faith.
Take, for example, my experience beginning to work in a research lab this summer. On the day I walked in for the first time, I hadn't met anyone in person yet and knew only vaguely what I would be doing. I knew it had something to do with gene expression and that I was working in the Division of Nephrology and Hypertension, so kidneys would be involved. Other than that, I knew incredibly little about gene expression, kidneys, autoimmune diseases, or even about what I was about to begin to do! Not only that, but I'd been focused on doing chemistry rather than biology for the past couple years - I didn't have a solid backround in what I was getting into.
But instead of freaking out about how little I knew, I walked in with confidence and faith that I would learn what I needed to know in good time, and that someone was about to explain to me just what I'd be doing. After a week of feeling like I was in a foreign country where everyone spoke a different language - the language of nephrology, immunology, and molecular biology - I began to pick up the language, and researched words and concepts I was entirely unfamiliar with and couldn't pick up from context. I learned more than I needed to know for what I was doing, expanded my horizons more than I ever expected to, and I was more than ok - this was incredible!
I've learned to let go of my need to know every detail of everything before stepping into something new. This same mindset applies in the Quaker world to things like joining a new committee, walking into an unfamiliar meeting, or going to a gathering or conference for the first time. This also applies to leaving for college for the first time. It is the experience of life.
I may or may not post once more in the next two weeks, but I have faith that in two weeks from today, after a week of orientation, the day before my first day of classes, I will be ok. I will be embarking on an incredible four-year adventure, and I don't need to know everything before I first set foot on the path.
Love and Light,
Claire
posted by Claire at 3:40 PM
2 Comments:
I've learned over and over again that at the beginning of an experience, no one expects you to know everything - so I've stopped expecting myself to know everything. It's part of my experience of faith.
Claire, it sounds like you are listening well, both to yourself and to the Spirit. And, regardless of the freak out/calm down cycle, through it all I sense the excitement, eagerness, and curiosity to see what is just around the bend for you.
You are in my thoughts as the week goes by.
Blessings,
Liz, The Good Raised Up
Exciting! I wish you well!
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