Monday, May 09, 2005

The Heart of my Restlessness

I feel like there's a lot of stuff floating around inside me that needs to get out and I don't know how to let it out. I find it difficult to truly listen and wait. I had no problem sitting still during Meeting today, but my focus is off. I can't even remember what I thought about or felt during Meeting today, and that's quite frustrating. I feel like I'm flailing my arms in the dark, looking for someone to take hold and guide me. I know that flailing my arms is not going to do anything; they say if you are lost to stay where you are until someone finds you. Perhaps that is part of what waiting is about; waiting for the Spirit to guide you.

Alas, there is a restlessness within me, about which I know not what to do. It's times like these when I realize that when I think and try too hard it only makes things worse. It's time to relax my mind a little, wait, and listen more to my heart, to the Spirit. My intellectual side has been going on overdrive trying to purposefully "wait and listen". Listening is about waiting for a feeling. Instead of flailing my arms in the dark, I should pause and let my Light shine bright and guide me.

I am thankful that I created this particular journal. If I had not ventured to write the above, it may have taken much longer to reach the heart of my restlessness.


Blogger Liz Opp said...

My hope for you, as it is for myself when I feel restless and eager for I-don't-know-what, is that you remain open, so that you don't make choices or decisions prematurely.

Sometimes in my own excitement, as in my confusion, it is hard for me to hear the still small voice...

On the other hand, I wonder if your restlessness isn't also part of the fire that we Friends need to get back in touch with...

(Maybe I should ask myself that question from time to time!)

Liz, The Good Raised Up

12/5/05 4:47 PM  

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